Mentorship Program

Exciting news!

I’m finally pursuing the creation of a trans mentoring program, as my project in the course I’m coaching at Landmark right now. I wanted to do this the first time, but frankly I chickened out.

I put out some feelers last week to get started…and got an EXCELLENT response! The first person I talked to led me to two more, both of whom responded quickly and are open to working with me; I have two other contacts who are willing to promote the program; and this is all from one phone call and three e-mails!

I’m pretty excited. Next week it’s time to get this show on the road!

Cheers,
TTG 

Settled

Hello World!

Well…I certainly haven’t kept up on the vlog, and for that I apologize. I thought about it from time to time, but honestly I’ve been more focused on the “doing” of life than the documenting of life.

I’m still on HRT; I’m used to giving myself the shots now, and things have evened out. My body is changing – slowly! No real outwardly noticeable differences besides the lowering of my voice, and slightly bigger chest/back/arm muscles.

From MY perspective, the more significant changes are psychological. I am more…how to say? Grounded. Settled. Comfortable in my own body. The thoughts that used to whiz around my head at light speed are now a distant murmur; it is far easier for me to exist in the here and now, enjoying what I am experiencing without speculating about useless bullshit. I’m just…me. For the first time in my life I’m just me.

I got promoted at my job and stayed here in LA. In fact, I moved in with my girlfriend and I’m loving every day with her. Sometimes I do stupid shit and things get a little tense…but by and large, we are enjoying domestic bliss. Building a life with someone I am completely devoted to is a new, thrilling, (sometimes terrifyingly) vulnerable experience for me, and I am discovering things about myself every step of the way.

She is beautiful, loving, brilliant, powerful, committed, unstoppable…the most amazing person I could ever imagine. She is the light of my life and I love her to no end. I am so…dare I say…happy!?…with her in my life.

Life is good! Cheers to all!

 - TTG

HRT: Week 1

I had my first shot of T on 1/3/12. All I can say is…whew! I feel so…normal. I don’t know how else to put it.

More details here:

Cheers!
– Dan

2011: In Review

2011. Wow, what a year. Thinking back, here are some highlights, in no particular order…

• Confessed my love to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
• Gave up alcohol after 10 years of drinking myself to sleep every night.
• Solidified my new career as a programmer. I started the year uncertain of my abilities, and I end it with confidence and self-assurance.
• Got off the fence about transitioning to male. Jumped through all the logistical hoops to get hormone therapy, and found that not all of them are just hoops. My first shot is on 1/3/12.
• Came out as Dan to my Mom, my Dad, my sister and my cousin. I was received with love and acceptance free from trepidation, which is a result of who I’m being when I’m with them (along with the fact that they are AMAZING). There simply is no other way.
• Reunited with my Dad and his whole family after 11 years of being incommunicado.
• Chose to take back my Father’s name and inherit my legacy as the eldest Seablom in my generation. I will carry on my family name with pride.
• Gave up my fear of persecution and condemnation at my workplace and began being “myself” at the church where I work. Shared that I am transgender with my two closest friends there.
• Found a new job, new place to live…really a new life, where I can live as Daniel with a clean slate. I’m finally going home…but in love and triumph, not disgrace.
• Attended Landmark and committed myself to a new way of being, existing in a state of possibility and freedom from the past, with the ability to create anything I want for the future.

I lived life powerfully, and I lived a life I loved. I will continue to do so, every day. That’s my only New Year’s Resolution.

Cheers,
TTG

New Year, New Self

“January 2, 2012. My new life begins on that day.” That’s what I’ve been telling myself.

I went to see the “hormone doctor” last week. I was poked, pinched, questioned, and generally paid more attention to medically than ever before in my life! The doctor was quite nice; I like him a lot. I have an appointment to get my first shot of T one week from today. One week, one day, one lifetime…one week until the first day of the rest of my life. Right?

No.

I began today with the distinction that I’ve been holding on to “safety, comfort, pleasure.” I’ve allowed myself to reach into the past rather than living into the future. It was easy! It was fun. It was disastrous.

Yesterday holds nothing for me; tomorrow holds only vague possibility. NOW holds reality. NOW holds creation. NOW is where I live. NOW is the first moment of the rest of my life. One week ago, or one week from today, are irrelevant – what matters is who I am being right now, my words, my actions, my results, now, in the present. As excited as I am about next Monday, I’m more excited about RIGHT NOW. Because right now is perfect, and right now, anything is possible.

I am cutting ties with the comfort and safety of the past, and stepping boldly and unstoppably into being the possibilities I am committed to. There are amazing things, waiting for me to make them happen…and there is simply nothing else to do, but go to work creating them in reality.

Cheers,
TTG

Step Two

What a great week! Tonight is my 6th out of 10 nights of extra work in December. Busy month. But, more importantly…(drumroll)…I have an appointment with the shrink Friday, then with the therapist Saturday. They’ll get together early next week, confirm that I’m not psychotic, then mail my hormone letter. Then I can go get my first shot of T! FINALLY! I am not just excited…I’m ecstatic.

I quit smoking yesterday; I’m at the end of day 2. It’s really bugging me when I’m driving, but not much the rest of the time — which isn’t bad for coming off a pack a day. Yesterday was the first day I can remember where I did not have a single drop of alcohol or cigarette. Amazing, the power of possibility…

Ava and I talked about my move out toward my family. Initially, when we got back together, she said she’d go with me. We confirmed that last night, and started making plans. I’ll have to do a whole post on what we did last night – we “completed” the time we spent apart and the incident preceding it, and it was absolutely incredible. I never imagined this level of communication was possible between two people!

Loving Christmas, loving the extra work, loving my life –

– TTG

Step One

Step One of my transition is nearly complete! I have to visit a psychiatrist this week for the “he’s not crazy” letter, then I have my last visit with my psychotherapist and get my testosterone letter.

My dad is now the only person in my immediate family who doesn’t know I’m transgender; I think he knows, actually, but I haven’t had the conversation with him. This will happen before Christmas.

My girlfriend and I were apart for a couple of months, but we’re back together and relating on a whole new level. She says she loves me, every day. (goofy smile) I missed her.

I’m still sober; in fact, the temptation to drink doesn’t trouble me often. I haven’t quit smoking yet. Hmm.

I also have some MAJOR life transitions in the works…moving, changing jobs, etc. My sister and my Mum are very important to me, and I’m acting accordingly. They need me.

More details to come soon. Cheers!

 - TTG