Yesterday morning, my TG chick friend (let’s call her She) called me up and said, hey, my best friend is having a BBQ at 4, want to come? On the way there, it occurred to me that I had been to that same BBQ exactly one year earlier – and it was that night that She broke up with me the first time.
Anyhow, I went and had a great time. Conversation was easy; She and I had fun. Nothing felt forced. It felt very natural sitting close, but I was careful not to be too familiar. I was pretty sure we were “ok” when She reached over and started smoking my cigarettes. (grin)
Then…I got drunk. Drunk enough to be pretty unsteady on my feet. I was fine until we started doing rounds of shots at the end…I’d been there 5 hours, had 8 or 9 beers and I don’t know how many shots. I was planning to sleep in my car before I drove home, but the next thing I knew, She was taking me home. To HER house. I was, like, uh…ok?
Again, we never touched, despite sharing a bed. She has a big bed. >.> This morning we woke up early, went to breakfast and talked. She was easier to talk to than usual; we actually had a pleasant conversation. We talked a lot about me starting T. I’ll ask her to dinner and a movie this week, maybe Friday night. We need to just spend some time together without feeling pressured to be intimate.
Last year, our conversation was very short. I was so angry and hurt that I drove to her apartment building, let myself in the gate and knocked on her door. Here’s the entire conversation:
Me: “All you have to say is one word, and I’ll disappear; but make up your mind. I’m sick of being fucked around with.”
Her: “Goodbye.”
Me: “So that’s it, then?”
Her: “What happened to one word?”
Me (sadly): “All right. I wish I could have known you better.”
That was it. I turned, walked away and didn’t look back. Hard to believe that was one year ago today.
Shit; what am I thinking, anyhow? I need a girlfriend like I need a hole in the head. Please, God, let us just be good friends…=P
thisboysjourney 